Mark as Read - Issue 53

Intro / Preface / Extra Words

Our last issue, which honestly was the first one in a fairly chunky amount of time, saw well above our normal level of readership. It seems like people might be sitting around looking for things to amuse themselves for some reason?

This issue we've added a, er, situationally-specific section at the end. If you're looking for 100% pure escapism from the turd that is our current reality, feel free to skip past that to our final words. We'll try to include only items that we think have more than in-the-moment temporal value.

Veedeeohs

Who can make it? ATV Bounty Hole - Muddin for a Cure

Hysterical contest where some good ol' country boys try to drive their souped up 4-wheelers through a mud pit. Hilarity ensues. Watch at least until the 8 minute mark where the first absolute scorpion-level face plant takes place. But trust me you'll end up watching the whole thing... -Brian

Business Time

Why America's Apartment Buildings All Look The Same

You didn't realize they all looked the same till now but from now on you'll see it everywhere. The ubiquitous 1+4 structure comes out of specific changes in the fire code plus the economics of real estate development. -Brian

Tweet by Dirty Texas Hedge on Twitter

Foul Language Warning

This hysterical tweet storm (that's a thing right?) walks through why it isn't always easy to make money when you know a company is doomed. Obtuse and ridiculous. I have an MBA and can barely comprehend the lingo here but don't worry you'll get the gist of it. -Brian

Truvia Crime

End of an Era: Microsoft Word Now Flagging Two Spaces After Period as an Error

Generation X and prior (myself included) learned to type on typewriters. We were taught to hit the space bar twice after a period. That turned into a habit when computers replaced typewriters. Millennials and younger (Calvin included) learned to type on computers and are appalled at the idea of double spacing after a period. There's been a raging battle in this newsletter where I leave double spaces everywhere and Calvin edits them out and sends me nasty messages about them. Microsoft has now proven its complete surrender to all that is evil by siding with the kiddos and auto correct will start flagging my perfectly appropriate typing habits with auto correct underlines. I have nothing good to say about this. -Brian

My Carona

Hemingway Was Once Quarantined with his Wife... and Mistress

h/t to Patrick M. for the link. The article is not as salacious as the title suggests (surprise surprise) but I enjoyed imagining the conversations that went on during this strange chapter of their lives. - Calvin

Carnival Executives Knew They Had a Virus Problem, But Kept the Party Going

When Carnival a few years ago had the poop cruise, the costa concordia accident, and a few other missteps I told Katie I'd never go on a Carnival cruise as there must be some underlying cultural problem at the company. That lack of proper management lead to huge problems at the start of the current pandemic. Carnival owns, amongst other brands, the Princess cruise line, she of Diamond Princess infamy. -Brian

The pandemic is giving people vivid, unusual dreams.

I had one the other day where I was leading a high school theater troupe into an alternate reality on a theater tour but in reality we were on a desperate secret mission to retrieve back all the spiritual and emotional nano-particles that had been stolen from our reality so we could combine them thundercat style into our reality's gaia figure. So yeah... vivid and unusual dreams, check. -Brian

I had one where I was on a spaceship drinking margaritas. Noticed a bunch of people running to the bathroom area and puking. Seemed like they were doing this in waves, and that they were all coming from the same side of the ship. Decided to time them, and figured out that it happened every 233 seconds. I remember that number and go see the captain. Found out we’d been having engine troubles and had been stuck in one place for awhile. I told him I thought it could be radiation pulses hitting one side of the ship, and if we focused our shields on that part of the ship at the exact right time we could use the shield against the pulse to bounce off of it and drift far enough away to regain engine power. Short story is that it worked and I felt real smart. I have been watching A LOT of Star Trek lately. - Calvin

We have begun the dreaded third quarter of isolation, when — yes — things get weird

h/t to Steve Short for the link. If you've found yourself being extra chippy with your roommate or significant other while social distancing, here's something to blame it on. - Calvin

I love technology (and science)

How knitters got knotted in a purity spiral

I'm deeply concerned about the prevalence of these "purity spirals" in our tribal, social media infused times. Everything becomes a religious contest... politics, lock downs, sports. -Brian

Rear View Mirror

Was Jeanne Calment the Oldest Person Who Ever Lived—or a Fraud?

Last issue we had this story but we linked it through outline.com which apparently is not a reliable way to do these things. This is a fantastic read and if you weren't able to get the link to work correctly last time I include it here along with my deepest apologies. -Brian

Issue 53 May 4th 2020